Robin, Meet Friend Zone
by Inkathinka
Summary: Robin struggles with life in general, but when it comes to anything Starfire-ish, he's completely stumped.


It was a very nice room, sunlit, with cheery pink drapes and asteroid orange carpet. About it were several various dresses of different styles strewn across the floor. In addition, there was a very loud, very furious rummaging sound emanating from the closet. The sound clashed with the joyous humming of the red-haired, super strong princess who was desperately searching through a pile of clothing large enough to possibly contain a small nation.

Down the hall, a dull metallic door whooshed open, and a violet cloak whooshed out with considerably less vigor or joy. Raven glided down the hall with a heavy black tome characteristically tucked beneath her arm, utterly expressionless excepting one pounding red vein on her right temple. Her ashy hand knocked on the door that read Starfire in all capitals, managing to convey urgency and gloom at the same time.

The rustling and humming stopped.

"Raven?" The door slid open, revealing a slightly frazzled Starfire and a mess of objects around the room. "If you are wishing to participate in the activity of girl time, I think that now would not be—"

"What. Are. You. Doing. Now." Despite the lavender girl's tiny size, her obvious anger loomed over Starfire.

"Um, well Friend Raven, I was, uh, merely investigating potential garments that might be suitable for a, um, customary Earth tradition?" Star was rolling her index fingers about her as she shrunk from Raven's fury, letting off quite a few nervous giggles. Her huge, luminous eyes slowly peeked up at the expression on her best friend's face. It was surprisingly amused.

Raven exhaled, and her ominous hood slipped off of her pale purple hair.

"You woke me from my nap because you were looking for an _outfit_?" Raven's words were angry, but her eyes glittered with mirth. "And what, may I ask, could be such an important occasion as to demand the violent interrogation of countless articles of clothing?" The rumpled cast-offs were gathered together in dark energy, and straightened before they floated hurriedly back into Starfire's closet.

The two index fingers pushed together in a peak as Starfire glanced innocently at the ceiling. "I was assisting our friends over at Titans East in the painting of their slumber rooms," suddenly, Starfire's talking increased in speed. "Specifically I was helping Friend Aqualad in the painting of his room when we both went to grab the same paintbrush and his face turned red when our hands did the touching and then he asked if I wanted to eat lunch and I said yes and there was no one else around and we made conversation,"

Huge inhale of breath, as Raven noted with humor Starfire's slightly out of focus eyes.

"And then I laughed when he made the amusing jokes and then we proceeded back to the room to paint and then he said I was doing it wrong and then he took my hand and showed me how and then he asked me to embark upon a journey of romantic exploration known as a 'Day-ate'."

At the final conclusion of Starfire's lengthy explanation, both girls paused, and silence filled the air between them. Then Raven threw back her head and began to laugh hysterically.

"Did he actually say 'embark upon a journey'?" She cackled with glee. "Is that how he asked you out?"

"I do_ not_ see what you find so funny about this clearly momentous—"

Robin's torso and head appeared sideways in Starfire's doorway.

"Someone asked out Star?" His voice was flat and blunt, his hair almost seemed spikier.

"Yes Friend Robin!" Starfire leapt into the air with the arrival of yet another treasured teammate. Robin's left eyelid twitched at the word friend. "I have been formally requested to embark upon—"

"Aqualad asked her on a date," cut off Raven , back to her usual crisp, dark tone as she watched a heated red tone creep up Robin's face alarmingly quickly.

"_Aqua_lad?" He spat in a whisper.

"I do not understand why everyone is finding this occasion so unusual! I am told that it is a very common Earth pastime! I wish to partake also in the holding of hands and awkward lip contact!"

At this poor Robin could clearly take no more. His eyes grew round and to the size of CDs as he practically melted into the floor and sulked away, grumbling outraged to himself.

Angrily confused, Starfire turned to the remaining clothes in her closet. She continued to whip through them as Raven silently watched items fly past her face in the background. _Don't interfere in other's lives,_ she chanted to herself. _Neutral party, neutral party._ Starfire unexpectedly ceased her frantic quest for adornment, and slowly turned to face Raven.

"I realize, Raven, that I have previously tried to deny your offer of the girl-talking, but at this time I wish to ask of your advice on a most important matter."

"Erm," This was exactly what Raven had been trying to avoid. "Yes?" she asked tentatively.

Starfire turned around, then quickly whipped out two dresses. "Pink or blue?"

A sigh of relief audibly rippled across the tower. "Uh, Pink?" she answered.

Meanwhile back in the main room, Cyborg and Beast Boy were arguing as usual over what video game to play when a seriously moody Boy Wonder stomped into the room.

"We're watching the news." he said, with total finality.

"But _dude_!" Beast Boy's whine was muffled by a metal hand over his mouth. "Mmph?" Beast Boy turned to look at Cyborg. Cyborg gave BB his 'Robin's super crazy death mad, and it probably has to do with Star, so let's just go _before_ he kills us' look, and the two friends reluctantly trailed out of the room and away from their beloved Play Station.

Alone, Robin was shaking with anger inside himself. _How could she date him? He's practically a fish! Just the thought of those fish lips on _my_ Star—Arg! It's not fair! I can't date team members but, but this is _Star_! I mean, we're- she's like- doesn't Tunaboy even get it? She's mine. I though _everyone_ knew that! And now she's going to go and wear some skimpy-ass dress— _Robin stopped thinking. A plan formed in his mind. _I'll just arrange for a "crime" to occur just as she's about to leave, and she won't be able to go! Yes!_ But just as Robin stood up to initiate his plan, he stopped thinking again.

Starfire floated into the room. Robin's eyes rolled up her legs to the hem of her dress which stopped high thigh, over her hips and curves, and settled on her face, utterly gorgeous freakin' hot.

"How do you find my outfit, Friend Robin? Is it not customary to wear such clothes as these to the chosen venue? Raven has assured me it is quite normal."

Starfire was wearing a hot pink strapless sequined dress, with a dip just low enough to show a hint of cleavage.

"Where…are you _going_, Star?" Robin asked, totally overwhelmed.

"To the club of dancing!" She giggled, and pirouetted out the front door. "Goodbye, Friend!"

The last word sliced him like a knife as Robin awkwardly waved at Starfire's back. _30 degree angle left, thirty degree angle right, _he reminded himself. Moments passed.

"DAMN IT!" Robin slammed his fist down on the transmission control board. He wanted to tear Aqualad apart. _Friend. Faaaaan-freaking-tastic._


End file.
